The 'Gangstas Paradise' Paradigm

This is what happens when you're single™. And you're from India. And you think two minute™ noodles are good. And you're lazy to cook. And you have a relatively low setting on the taste buds. Nestle™ had figured it out a while ago. I did not. Neither did the rest of the world. Atleast the ones filled with students aspiring to have professional degrees and staying in hostels. Nestle's agenda for world domination was cleverly conceived with noodles in mind and that's how the east was vanquished.

The product in question, Maggi Noodles™ was established as the chief weapon of disruption. It worked very well. Especially in India™. Indians wolfed down the concept like a posse of hungry cats given the benefit of milk. Before you could count to 10™, the markets were flooded with all kinds of flavors and colors. And the tradition's™ been carried on. The very basic concept of two minute noodles has been instrumental in devaluating the already cheap two-cent™ mentality of bachelors and single guys across the nation and outside it too.

If you peek into the overhead cabinet of any shelf-respecting desi™ single chappie in his hostel or dorm or even his apartment, here in the US, you will find it abundant in Maggi noodles packets. As you can see from the picture above, my kitchen cabinet has become nothing short of a neighborhood gang's™ real estate. The shelves are crawling with yellow packets striking all kinds of sinister, tough poses. I bet they must be dealing™. No one can save™ me. God.

Disastrous Rains in Mumbai...

After facing large-scale devastation in the century’s worst rainfall, Mumbai is slowly limping back to normalcy on Thursday with rail and air services partially restored even as relief and rescue operations are on in Raigad district of Maharashtra. Nearly 800 people are feared to have been killed in the worst-ever floods which hit Mumbai, Konkan, Thane and Navi Mumbai. So far, 513 bodies have been found, Maharashtra chief secretary R M Premkumar said on Thursday. Mumbai reported the maximum number of casualties — 273.

About 100 bodies were found in just one village — Jui near Mahad in Raigad district. The toll in Thane city and district was 102. Navi Mumbai reported 53 deaths. The chief secretary said crops on 30 lakh hectares of land in the state were damaged. The incessant rains took a toll of about 1,000 buffaloes. He said the rains were unprecedented. "Cherrapunji had 898 mm of rainfall on a single day in 1910, while Mumbai had 944 mm in 24 hours." Thane's resident deputy collector S S Bhise said flood waters had receded in most parts of the district and the priority was to restore water and power supply.

Meanwhile, long-distance train services on the Western Railway have resumed while on the Central Railway, all out-bound trains have been cancelled till Friday morning. The Mumbai airport, closed since Tuesday, became operational and the first commercial flight took off for Delhi at 1.20 pm with 145 passengers on board. Local trains have started plying between some stations, railway sources said. Power supply has been restored at various places, Reliance Energy sources said.

(source:TimesOfIndia.com)

Article: Ending Our Nuclear Winter

Ending Our Nuclear Winter (As written in the July 26th 2005 edition of the Indian Express)
C. Raja Mohan

"As you tune into India’s great debate on the nuclear pact that Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has signed up with President George W. Bush, don’t let the experts flummox you with all the jargon. If you leave the nuclear detail to the government and the experts, you will find the latest Indo-US pact a tectonic shift in geopolitics. All such shifts in global order produce delicious ironies. Just savour them.

The first irony is that the “unilateralist” Bush Administration has chosen to modify one of the most important treaty arrangements in the world to favour an India that is allegedly passionate about “multilateralism”. The Indo-US nuclear pact is about a convergence between the Bush Administration, which views treaties from the pragmatic rather than legal perspective, and a “revisionist” India which has long sought a change in global nuclear rules. As the Bush Administration makes a nuclear exemption for Delhi and justifies it on the ground that India is “exceptional”, all sorts of “multilateralists” in Europe and the US will oppose it.

Thanks to Indian nuclear vacillations in the 1960s, India found itself outside the NPT, which now has universal membership barring India, Israel and Pakistan. India’s refusal to sign the treaty had little to do with the in-built discrimination in the NPT. It had to do with the fact that under the NPT, India could not be accepted as a nuclear weapon power. As the rules of nuclear non-proliferation steadily tightened under the NPT, India found itself increasingly cut-off from the flows of global nuclear commerce. Under the treaty, India was neither non-nuclear fish nor nuclear fowl. Trapped in this nuclear “trishanku” state, India desperately sought to change its standing vis a vis the nuclear system. With the nuclear tests of May 1998, Delhi ended the self-created confusion about its nuclear status. India told itself and the world that it is now a nuclear weapon state and began to engage the US to alter the nuclear regime in its favour.

Singh’s nuclear pact with Bush is a triumphant culmination of the effort that involved a series of negotiations, launched by the then External Affairs Minister Jaswant Singh and US Deputy Secretary of State Strobe Talbott during 1998-2000 and continued by National Security Adviser Brajesh Mishra and his US counterpart Condoleezza Rice during 2001-04. President Bush was better disposed towards India than his predecessor, Bill Clinton, and lifted most of the sanctions imposed on Delhi after the 1998 tests. Mishra wanted more — civilian nuclear and space cooperation with the US. Rice largely accepted the principle and the two produced the “Next Steps in Strategic Partnership”. While the NSSP produced a change of direction in US nuclear policy towards India, it did not clinch the unresolved differences. Nor did the NSSP open the door for substantive civilian nuclear energy cooperation.

The Bush-Singh pact now goes beyond the NSSP and offers India de facto recognition of its nuclear weapon status and access to the global nuclear energy market in return for separating India’s military and civilian nuclear programmes. It is a deal, worth its weight in gold, that the Vajpayee government would have loved to cut. Probably that explains Vajpayee’s ire against the government than the details of the deal itself.

Besides changing the nuclear rules, Bush has met a second, equally fundamental grand strategic objective of India. For decades now, Delhi has been struggling to find nuclear parity with China and atomic separation from Pakistan. Thanks to its grand illusions about disarmament and a fetish for the United Nations, India could not respond quickly or effectively to China’s first nuclear test in October 1964. As a consequence, the doors of the international nuclear order were shut on its face.

As India slept, barring a brief nuclear moment in 1974, Pakistan too acquired nuclear weapons by the late 1980s with Chinese assistance. India’s nuclear tests of May 1998 did not resolve India’s security problematique. The Indian tests, followed by those of Pakistan, in fact underlined the nuclear parity between India and Pakistan. China along with the Clinton Administration took a strong position against India’s “proliferation” and its threat to the global nuclear order.

As one of the five permanent members of the UN Security Council and one of the five nuclear weapon states recognised by the NPT, China passed the UNSC resolution 1172 demanding India and Pakistan give up their nuclear weapons. Ironically, from that collusion with China against India in 1998, and the obsessive focus on “South Asian proliferation”, the US is now offering to recognise Delhi’s strategic parity with Beijing and treat India differently from Pakistan. The Indo-US nuclear pact allows India to expand its civilian nuclear energy programme without undertaking any political obligations that China does not.

The nuclear exception for India that Bush is seeking in the US non-proliferation legislation as well as international rules is premised on the proposition that India’s non-proliferation record has been impeccable and that India is a “responsible” nuclear weapon state. The same, however, cannot be said of Pakistan. Thanks to the A.Q. Khan affair, which has revealed the expansive nuclear black market run by sections of the Pakistani establishment, there is no support in Washington either in the executive or legislature to extend the kind of nuclear cooperation the Bush Administration wants to undertake with India.

While the Indo-US nuclear pact allows India to break out of its nuclear isolation that has deepened since the first test of May 1974, creates nuclear equivalence between India and China and differentiates between Delhi and Islamabad, some in Delhi would love to see India play second fiddle to China and remain confined to a South Asian nuclear paradigm. Since 1974, the world gave us a simple choice: either you have a peaceful nuclear programme or a nuclear weapons programme. The Indo-US nuclear pact is a historic breakthrough, because it allows us to have both. It is a deal India has waited for decades, and no government in Delhi would be foolish enough to reject it."

(Source: IndianExpress.com)

When the System Fails.

Impressive. Ram Gopal Varma's desi tribute to the classic, 'The Godfather', i.e. To adapt a riveting tale that established a threshold for cinema and remake it in the Mumbaiyya context was not an easy task, I reckon. RGVs Sarkar has all the elements of the classic. There's Virgil Sollozzo trying to strike a deal with the family; the head of the other family on the commission, Bruno Tattaglia and of course, a watered down Luca Brasi. Although, he doesn't sleep with the fishes in this flick.

I am presenting a few observations I've made. You know how it is! The word Mafia makes me take off on a ramble that is beyond intriguing. It's an obsession! Firstly, to all of those who think this movie sucked; go see the Godfather, read the book and then read a few more books about the LCN, especially about its growth in America. Then read Black Friday. The concept is pretty much adapted. One has to understand that although organized crime has surfaced in all developing countries with the onset of time, each enterprise has followed a certain structure.

The early Sicilian Mafia was a stiff reply to invaders and oppressors which may have otherwise bled the nation dry. It was a rebel organization that believed in justice for the masses without the consent of a higher authority. The next wave of Mafiosi were hired by landlords and were simply mercenaries or criminals who protected the nobility in exchange for protection from the Royal authority. The Omerta code, the protocols or simply the order followed a lot of teachings written by Niccolo Machiavelli. The Prince is an outstanding example of his philosophy and it provides strategic and sometimes downright stringent solutions for harsh situations. The East has Sun-Tzu's Art of War; almost a textbook for military campaigns and strategy. In my opinion, the two topics don't even compare, although they could be mutually influential.

When hundreds of immigrants started to pour into the United States, these principles were carried by a handful elements who snuck among the common people in search of opportunity and a better life. Don Fanucci can be cited at this point! Such rogue elements created the need for a counter-intelligent faction, if I could call it that; to oppose and rebel. The early years of the mafia had Dons and their croonies; protection was paid to these higher-than-authority elements. They would 'protect' the common man trying to earn his livelihood by offering to keep the rogue cops, other extortionists and goons at bay. It wasn't hard to tell who's the real criminal.

The mafia or the underworld in Mumbai, India on the other hand was started as a lucrative means to simply make money by smuggling gold bullions, electronic goods, contraband and prostitution. The common man was kept out of the loop at the very base level, but invariably people suffered by paying more taxes to alleviate the deficit created by the number juggling. I dont use the term mafia, because, truly it fits only in the Cosa Nostra sense. The actual meaning refers to a group that rebelled against the French in the earlier part of the 1400s. Mafiosi actually means 'a man of honor'. All of us know that the modern day mafiosi have anything but honor.

While the mafia was being restructured in the early 1930s through the 40s by the likes of Lucky Luciano, a commission was established to oversee the activities. This was the cream of the lot, the biggest and the most powerful. The commission decided as to who would be inducted (opening the books) and who'd have to go (getting whacked, if you will). The wise guys or the inductees were protected by the Omerta which means they couldn't go on a rampage killing each other, unless the commission was notified. The Castellemmarese War was a bloody example which demanded a certain method to the madness.

As time progressed, the older authority in the Indian context (powerful dons from the 70's and 80's like Karim Lala, Haji Mustan and Varadarajan Mudaliar) were replaced by more notorious elements like Dawood Ibrahim and the next generation's primal definition of 'mean'. The newer trades included dealing drugs, gambling rigs, extorting money, racketeering and even terrorism. On the other hand, the restructuring of the Indian mafia had its share of violence. The newer dons didnt leave a single stone unturned to uproot the older authority. Families had to flee in fear of violence. While this goes onto explain the indulgence of the mafia in India, wiseguys in the United States were also breaking the Omerta vows in the 80s by talking to authorities and helping in handing out indictments to their own mafiosi brethen. More killings followed as soon as higher authorities within the Crime families feared that the street level soldiers or even their equivalent bosses would rat on them. Murder, either by consent or otherwise can never qualify as lawful.

Thank You For Everything

My dearest Prabhakar Mam, wherever you are.. It's your birthday. I really wish I could say 'Many happy returns..'

So Long, Scotty...

07.20.2005

James Doohan: March 3, 1920 - July 20, 2005

"We are deeply saddened to report that James Doohan, the beloved actor who portrayed engineer "Montgomery Scott" in the original Star Trek and seven movies, has passed away. He was 85.

Doohan died in his sleep at his home in Redmond, Washington, at 5:30 a.m. local time with his wife Wende at his side. Cause of death was pneumonia, complicated by Alzheimer's disease, according to Doohan's agent and longtime friend Steve Stevens of Los Angeles.

Private services will be held in Redmond, but a public memorial will be held in Los Angeles on a date to be announced. According to Stevens, the family will fulfill Doohan's wish to have his remains shot into space on a "Memorial Spaceflight" provided by Space Services Inc. of Houston. Similarly, a portion of Gene Roddenberry's ashes were sent on such a flight in 1997. The date of cremation and of the spaceflight are not yet known.

Doohan is survived by his wife of 28 years, Wende, and their 5-year-old daughter Sarah, along with six adult children — Larkin, Deirdre, Christopher, Montgomery, Eric and Thomas — and numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren."

(StarTrek.Com, EogTastic.Com)

Fees. The New Carcinogen.

Late Fees. Fines. Assessment fees. Adjustment fees. Felicitation fees. Convenience charges. Cats shit in a box fees. This isn't news to anyone who has had banking / ticketing/ cell phone bills experience; especially in the United States. I have come to realize in my infinite wisdom that late fees are as unavoidable as death and sliced bread. Unless you wear animal skin to cover your genitalia, thump your chest demanding breakfast, urinate to prove who's the daddy and use sand instead of toilet paper. Which means that you have to be living in the jungles of Bengala and believe that there will be a sequel to 'Planet of the Apes' which will feature Marky Mark's new single 'Gorilla Rap'. OOn Oooon OOOOOnn!

Last night while trying to sleep in this ever increasing SoCal heat, I was thinking of different scenarios in the future where late fees and charges of similar nature could be assessed. Corporations have always campaigned to be philanthropes helping to make this world a better place. A bitter place is more like it. My credit history, thanks to my two year hiatus as a student has become so notorious, it can easily be passed for a hideous criminal's rap sheet. I could commit suicide by gagging on my credit card bills. Or maybe slit my wrists with a Mastershard. But then I'd be a coward. Who knows, I might just qualify.

At the end of it all, it wasn't a very pretty picture... So here goes!

1) You didn't tender the exact amount while boarding a bus. You could be assessed a 'driver hates your low denomination ass' fee.

2) You didn't replace an apple in its right spot at the grocers'. You could be charged a 'fruit violation / misdemeanor' fee.

3) You spilled some coffee on a table at a coffee house. A 'insolent, insensitive assclown' fee seems appropriate.

4) This one's for guys. You scratch your balls in public. You would qualify for a 'this ain't your ballpark nutsack' fee.

5) This one's nasty. You got laid on the 17th date. It was over in 33 seconds. You WILL be charged a 'loss of libido' fees.

6) You've been very cocky in your conversations, lately. You walk with a swagger and think you're one tough sonovabitch. You will be assessed a 'Clint Eastwood Not' fee.

7) Nasty one for the guys. Again. In the mens room, you managed to spill a few drops outside the allocated urinal. 'Shaken but not stirred' fees applies.

8) Your smoking habit triggered a few coughs and a some dropped dead in a flash. This bill is still under evaluation; you would be charged 'next time we'll light yo ass' fee.

9) You use a left handed mouse. You will be charged a 'Right Handed Radical Regiment' fees.

10) You sneered at another man's dog while walking yours. You will be charged a 'Acting like a biyatch' fee.

So, there it is. In the name of the good Lod. Watch your actions. Be aware.

The Nationality's Indian. Asian Indian.

India has an impeccable record of not proliferating nuclear technology and is "fully conscious of the immense responsibilities that come with the possession of advanced technologies, both civilian and strategic," Prime Minister Manmohan Singh told the US Congress on Tuesday.

Singh went to the Hill to address a joint session of US law-makers from the Senate and House of Representatives, where there is already a growing stir over yesterday's India-US deal on cooperation in nuclear affairs.

"We have adhered scrupulously to every rule and canon in this area. We have done so even though we have witnessed unchecked nuclear proliferation in our own neighbourhood which has directly affected our security. We have never been, and will never be, a source of proliferation of sensitive technologies," Singh told law-makers, some of whom are expected to work against the deal over the next several months.

Many law-makers applauded Singh's commitment, suggesting there was a good deal of support for the deal in Congress. Congressional approval is needed to change some of the domestic laws that currently forbid nuclear cooperation with countries that have not signed the NPT, among which India is one. It was one of the few times US lawmakers cheered Singh during his 40-minute address, which, while not exactly electrifying, was thoughtful and penetrating in its assessment of Indo-US ties and the global realities.

Singh also obliquely defended free trade and off-shoring before law-makers, many of whom have moved legislations to regulate it. "India's growth and prosperity is in American interest. American investments in India, especially in new technology areas, will help American companies to reduce costs and become more competitive globally. Equally, India's earnings from these investments will lead to increased purchases from the United States. The information technology revolution in India is built primarily on US computer related technology and hardware," he said.

To a Congress that is largely skeptical of the role of the UN and has reservation about the ongoing debate on reforms, Singh said India believed it is time to recognise the enormous changes that have occurred since the present structure was established. "In this context, you would agree that the voice of the world's largest democracy surely cannot be left unheard on the Security Council when the United Nations is being restructured," he said.

Terrorism was the other key theme in the Prime Minister's address. "India and the United States have both suffered grievously from terrorism and we must make common cause against it," he told a Congress that has often been oblivious to India's suffering in this area. "We know that those who resort to terror often clothe it in the garb of real or imaginary grievances. We must categorically affirm that no grievance can justify resort to terror."
(source:TimesOfIndia.com)

Keep It Real.

Banana Flavored Retribution

My room-mate and incredibly good friend, Arun T-M. A very hardworking, always-helpful, groan-inducing simple mutt of a fellow. His current work schedules demand him to perform handstands, while skillfully trying to pin an 'Employee Of the Month' placard to his button hole. Other than working 120,567 hours a week and getting his name carved on toast, the poor fellow has no life. The hilight of his day thanks to these frontline-battle inspired work patterns is coming home to a convention of fruit flies and a faucet that's perfecting its melancholic moans of despair. He usually walks in the door, drops his bag onto his table, groans with a deep sigh and knocks the couch. Literally. I mean, there isn't been a day when his quasi-blind toe is subjected to a harsh knock. This ritual usually concludes with a squeal exiting from Arun's mouth.

So what is the purpose of mentioning this in my little blog? Well, I'm about to tell you, and it's no funny matter. Arun's obsessed with bananas. I mean obsessed like a moth to a flame. Arun has a sort of a fetish for eating bananas and subjecting the peels to new levels of torture, improvised immediately after consumption. In the end I usually find the banana peel sprawled violently like Gecko under a 2000 psi load. The pose usually indicates the nature of the crime and the degree of violence that it was subjected to. His methods are almost Machiavellian and I can only imagine how the bananas must be feeling about this. Sometimes on weekends when I try to use the trash chute, my attempts are met with force by a renegade pack of Cobra Kai fruit flies, hell bent on wreaking havoc. Not to mention, Arun's sinister gagging method for leftover banana stems. In his hideous quality assuring little brain, he schemes and leaves behind bags and bags of banana stems gasping for breath. I must add that apples meet a similar fate, but not as violent and sinister. I only hope that someday he will understand the value of fruit and begin to respect their purpose on this planet.

Less Concerned About Fitting Into The World

Your world that is...

Only.
The New NIN Video.

Directed by David Fincher.
(95% of this video is CG.)

Here
Enjoy!

Stealth: My Left Nut is Aware Of Itself!

Don't y'all know somethin'? Since time immemorial, haven't machines been becoming aware of themselves? My vacuum cleaner chewed up my pants a few days back; Because, I didn't yield to the fact that a certain coffee stain was irreversible! My roommate Arun's perfected a new form of cardio vascular dance / self defense martial art after frequently ironing his shirts & trousers with an old almost-broken electric iron. Toasters have been finishing off unsuspecting loaves of bread ever since the socket was developed to plug a device in! Coffee machines have been spitting bean-venom at hapless office goers in sheer anger. SMPS' have been fryin' CPUs in most computers without the benefit of spike bustahs (no, it's not a new hip hop group). Most of all, hair dryers in salons have had issues with their sobreity. The T-2, T-3 and T-T flicks bear testimony. Skynet did too! Gophers realized that the 'underworld' was their domain. Squirrels decided that the Rum n Raisin was not for 'em. Jessica Simpson knows she's got the ability to butter a toast. And mind you, Dubya knows he's there!

Then, why do we need a cutting (board) egde fighter plane shaped like a amateur-chef-spawned pancake at iHop to tell us that again? Jamie Foxx is a great actor, he shoulda known betta! Jessica 'Awesome Bod' Biel is a fatman-killa. (Her sixpack is aware of itself!) She shoulda known betta! Josh Lucas was squished by the Hulk; he's back? The tag line reads, 'Fear the sky.' It should be more like 'Pear in the sky.' I just don't get it.

Why do machines who become aware of themselves have to target tall buildings in American cities? Why can't it be a herd of unsuspecting camels in Jordan? I'm sure, they'd be caught off guard! It's not like these machines have B.O. And its definitely not like these machines have realized that they're overweight to "become aware." Leave it to us, Hollywood folks! I've been aware for the last 13 years of my weight problem. That didn't stop me from defeating mud pies and cream filled donuts in hand to hand combat. My awareness didnt cause me destroy anything! Au Contraire monsieur, I upped the sit ups and tummy waves.

There's too much awareness. At this rate my sphincter would be aware of itself everytime I squirm at the thought of an office related deadline. That is going to be one scary moment. What if the muscle contracts slowly and then suddenly expands? Shit would happen. So what's the point? Should I fear my toaster?

Lego's Breakthrough!

"GUD WUKK AAH TUUH!"
It's finally ready! Seemingly... A lego set inspired by Ewan McGregor's expressions in the Star Wars flicks! The incredibly talented gopher faced McGregor, started his climb on the Hollywood rungs by doing Australian beer commercials.

Unfortunately, the company doing the rounds had a penchant for summarizing the intensity of their product by hurling them at actors in their commercials. Some unknown source from 'down under' has it that Ewan's soft cranium made sharp contact with a few wall clocks, anvils, army boots, ink bottles, padlocks and kangaroo droppings to the tune of the famous "Austray-lian fer beeyr" tag line. Eventually, George Lucas felt that the dent in McGregor's brain was a void, deep enough to plant the seed of a budding Obe Wan while mouthing off words to wookies about their mating skills. After the second helping of Star Wars which saw Natalie Portman lose every follicle on her skull thanks to Samuel Jackson's Jedi grooming, McGregor was invited to play the part of a new age tight shorts weilding inmate in another flick costarring blonde bombshell Scarlett Johansson.

The new flick is called 'The Island', a fast-paced, action-packed helping that'll make you want to go more to Islands for that ice cream sundae and double-double. Ewan's wardrobe has been inspired by the khakhi colored skin hugging shorts and hawaii shirts worn by waitresses at this famous chain of restaurants. Weapon of choice? A lean wheat breaded BLT. Force field generated, cleverly concealed in a garland of chrysanthemums. Go jedi! Go! Also, Ewan, you go too!

A World OF Pain...

An Epic

Cosmic, Stellar, Astronomical, Floydian!

(BBC.Co.UK)

Spend a Minute, Be Aware

READ THIS!

"Two weeks ago 280 million Africans woke up for the first time in their lives without owing you or me a penny from the burden of debt that has crippled them and their countries for so long. The deal struck by G7 Finance Ministers was a victory for the millions of people in the campaigns around the world. But the deal affects, immediately, only 18 countries. There are twice that number in need of help, including Nigeria. And though debt cancellation should be directed in ways that reduce poverty and improve governance it must not come with arduous economic strings attached."

Sign it HERE!

(live8live.com)

The Band Is Just Fantastic, That Is Really What I Think...

Oh By The Way, Which One's Pink?

"It has been confirmed that Roger Waters will join Pink Floyd to perform at the Live8 concert in Hyde Park on 2nd July."

David Gilmour made the following statement:
“Like most people I want to do everything I can to persuade the G8 leaders to make huge commitments to the relief of poverty and increased aid to the third world. It’s crazy that America gives such a paltry percentage of its GNP to the starving nations. Any squabbles Roger and the band have had in the past are so petty in this context, and if re-forming for this concert will help focus attention then it’s got to be worthwhile.”

PinkFloyd.CoM