No More Hiding Or Disguising Truths I've Sold

It's been eleven years, since I bought a cassette; an EP by Alice In Chains. It's called Jar of Flies. The album was released in Spring of 1995. Those were troubled times for me. My first year at school was a disaster, following my effort to stay afloat with my courses and have fun at the same time. Does that sound logical? I know it doesn't! It was a different world, back then. I didn't have the sense of responsibility as I slackened away in my second semester and I had to pay a heavy price. I don't regret it. Although I've missed the starting gun, I'm catching up.

Right now I am listening to 'I stay away' and I can recall how many times I'd rewind and play this song while riding the bus back home from my tutoring sessions. Other than having lost a crucial amount of time in my life, I had also failed math. Heh. The chapter on advanced statistics never really drove home. And so, the tutoring for understanding the finer points of math coupled by the frustration of my peers moving on and me getting left behind were the only thoughts of those days. 'Don't follow' was another track that I'd play repeatedly.

My dearest uncle, God bless his soul, helped me get back on track. He is not with us anymore. I still mourn his untimely demise. He didn't deserve to die that way. I can never forget those gloomy afternoons and evenings, staying home to study while the rains poured and inundated Mulki. He'd sit next to me reading a newspaper and sometimes advice me on how to work more efficiently and prioritize one's decisions. Can't believe its been so many years since. So much has happened, so many things have changed. I don't know if it would be right to say that I've come out stronger. I am still sensitive to abrupt changes and it still feels uncertain when I think about what's in for me in the next few years.

Just yesterday I made a very important decision for my career as well as a personal level. Unfortunately, the choice I had to make has affected my personal life drastically. The dilemma is that if I'd chosen otherwise, my career would've been taking a beating for all time to come. And yet I'm sad. My folks have stood by me in this decision. As far as what'll transpire from all this? We'll have to wait and watch out for this space, now, won't we?