ARCHITECTURAL AILMENTS

• Production Elbow (Leftclickdellmousevirus)
• Designer’s Bifocal Chin (StaringMonitorposturevirus)
• Drafter’s Lung (Bacteria CytoOCE-batchplot Scaled-tofit)
• Manager’s Schizophrenia (Bacteria Delegation Calculatum)-

A few years in the workplace can expose a candidate to potential workplace hazards like entropy and water-cooler syndromes. A common condition is the appearance of drafting dots on 11x17 prints due to excessive exposure to vellum. Entropy induced by deadlines manifests in the form of missing or misplaced details and cold sweats when drafting programs perform illegal operations. But little does one realize that for architects, the chances of contracting serious illnesses lies largely in the high risk tasks performed at the work place on a daily basis for years on end. Maneuvers include watching YouTube at workplace while consuming Blimpie’s or simply fancying co-workers as potential choir practice buddies. Such infections spread when teams work furiously towards aggressive deadlines and make frequent stops at water coolers or coffee machines to discuss mounting frustrations due to lack of time.

Some easy ways to identify if you’ve been infected are the following:

1. Lack of Compassion for Donald Duck
2. Inability to identify neighbors who’ve been living next door since the Mongols discovered condensed milk
3. Contemptuous hatred of three day old refrigerated soy dishes
4. Your girlfriend/boyfriend has left you for their personal trainer
5. Involuntary signs of cravings to dispatch punches onto Decaf coffee drinkers
6. Incapacity to translate the word ‘Basura’ into your local dialect or sign language

These are some of the many characteristics that candidates may display at the very beginning. Any such signs if identified must be reported immediately to the Bureau of Production Grimace & Other GTDs (Graphically Transmitted Diseases). Infections may spread upon first eye contact or simple tasks delegated with the casual shoulder shrug.

The second part of this paper provides an in-depth look at the four most common ailments based on the extensive research conducted by Gautam R S after years of exposure to Post-It notes and coffee stained plan check sets.

Production Elbow:

A common yet deadly form of tennis elbow developed due to overuse of Staples mouse pads with those little cushions that “supposedly” support your wrists. The infected arm looks like Popeye’s arm without the benefit of the anchor tattoo. The victim in his or her sleep uses magic markers to sketch geospatially non-compliant ‘North’ Arrows in place of the anchor. Symptoms also consist of failure to squeeze a can of spinach or place phone orders for Chinese food. Scale symbols appear over a period of time.

Designer’s Bifocal Chin:

The infection systematically affects the victim’s chin thereby forcing him/her to keep rubbing it when approached with project criteria. The victim also stares at consultants endlessly as though an idea is materializing in their cranial void. The unfortunate truth of the matter is that for all the period that this ailment affects people, they tend to think endlessly about how cheese is injected into a stuffed crust Papa Johns.

Drafter’s Lung:

A common syndrome with most CAD users, the chief symptom being hypomeso theliolimabeans. The victim tends to order black beans instead of white in their burritos and wheat instead of corn tortillas. Very little is known about this strange yet intriguing condition which leaves the victim wheezing like a puppy dog in an asbestos infested environment.

Manager’s Schizophrenia:

The unfortunate patient is unable to point at oneself and always points at others. At times when the infection has gained its fullest potency the individual starts to use red pencils, mark up drawings and hand it over to unsuspecting candidates who’ve packed up their stuff and are leaving because it’s 5:30 PM.