Spam Seeking Clowns

I have something to say. I guess I always do. But this time my slandering is sharply aimed at spammers of the world. And I don't mean only the one's who send you pornographic content or updates on poker sites for the scone-heads. Let me ask you this;

What the devil, is your problem?

Spending hours on the internet, forwarding jokes, naked pictures, fun facts about mating season for ants and mysterious facts about gout in this day. I am a part of a Yahoo! group for my classmates from undergrad and there are two neanderthals of the feminine realm who have nothing better to do than forward filth to our mailboxes that was forwarded to them by some other neanderthals (in one case a husband to a wife, can you believe the uniqueness of their prehistoric dispositions?) who sat during their office hours and concocted time slots for this precious task on which the very balance of the world's cupcake population rests. Go get laid ladies, stick your finger in, toss your cookies! You're too fat! Try to identify the ants in your apartment that maybe registered to vote. Maybe get an education or try out some new drugs. There's plenty of 'em! But leave my mailbox, the fuck alone! I am not a chauvinist, but hey, some women are born to test your adrenaline levels. Couldn't have been more brief, discreet, direct or grammatically coherent!

About 20 minutes ago, dang in the middle of my lunch hour, I opened my mailbox to see a barrage of reply mails to forwarded messages. I mean what is that, eh? Either you have to have a superior IQ level to reply to forwarded messages (because your ulterior motive is to relay a secret message pertaining to the welfare of water buffaloes) containing emails addresses matching the count of a whale's sperm population; Or you have to be a monkey. I don't know what this mysterious woman has been upto. Other than celebrating every mediocrity that passes her eyes, like my friend says. And what's with the letters that tell me that if I don't forward one of them to 1,000 more mailboxes, something bad will happen to me. I'll tell you this, if you send me one more of these letters, something horrendous will definitely happen to you. Let me elaborate: I will come to your home / apartment / cage / rathole / dumpster / bordello / shithole with a 24" meat cleaver and knight you in the most clumsy fashion. Then I will replace your right ear with your left leg, your right leg with your left eyelid, your left ear with your left hand, so on and so forth. Think you're creative? I can get creative too, you have no idea! Alternative ending: I will set you on fire and heat marshmallows while you burn! So, beware!!

To conclude, if you have time to read all those forwarded mails, you're a prick. If you have even more time to forward those again to more unsuspecting group members who're trying to stay in touch for friendship sake's and not your annual intelligence report, you are a shitpile. If you have even, even more time to reply to those forwarded messages, hell I can't even find you an apt title. If you've got nothing better to do, why not stick a thumb up your ass and see what the temperature's like. No matter what room you may be in, it'll always be room temperature.

Morons!!