Sunday, May 29, 2005

Trust me - I know what I'm doing!


Inspector Hammer & Detective Dori Doreau

Blast from the past! Back in 1992 when cable television networks went berserk in India, one of the serials featured was 'Sledgehammer!' The cop who talks to his magnum. Dirty Harry was brilliantly spoofed. Absolutely hilarious!! It's finally out on DVD thanks to Alan Spencer's efforts to revive his Frankenstein. Here are some excerpts:

Captain Trunk: Fifteen Elvis Presley impersonators killed in the last three weeks.
Dori: What on Earth could be the killer's motive to murder 15 Elvis impersonators?
Sledge Hammer: Obviously to get into the Guinness Book.

Reporter: We're here at the scene of a liquor store robbery that was thwarted by the man beside me, Inspector Sledge Hammer. Inspector Hammer, tell us what happened.
Sledge Hammer: Well, Miss, I was in this store when two thugs entered and threatened the owner with shotguns. At that time, I drew my Magnum and killed them both. Then I bought some eggs, and some milk, and some of those little cocktail weanies.
Reporter: Inspector Hammer, was what you did in that store absolutely necessary?
Sledge Hammer: Oh, yes, I had no groceries at all.

Sledge Hammer: You know what I'm going to do to you? I'm going to stick your head in that microwave and set it on "sandwich."
Dori: Hammer, you can't do that!
Sledge Hammer: What? There's no setting for sandwich?

Sledge Hammer: You've never played target practice?
Soviet Scientist: In Russia, we practice by shooting dissidents.
Sledge Hammer: Here we call them liberals.

Dori: The terrorist has demanded a million dollars, a private jet and an end to the Star Wars program.
Sledge Hammer: Yeah, three movies was enough.

Hammer: Alright, look, lady. As long as we're stuck together, let's get one thing straight, alright?. I'm the guy, alright? I'm the man. I'm the guy. I call the shots, got it? I call the shots, and I fire the shots, comprehendo?
Doreau:
Don't tell me. I bet you think all women should be barefoot and pregnant, right?
Hammer:
No, I encourage women to wear shoes.

Sledge Hammer: You know, of all my years of being a cop, I will never figure out how people time and time again can do something like this.
Dori: It's true. Taking out a human life is just deplorable.
Sledge Hammer: Not that. The drawings of chalk outlines of dead bodies, that's just a ridiculous way of living!

Trunk watches Hammer attach something to the barrel of his gun;
Sledge Hammer: No, it's not a silencer. This little doodad is my own invention. I call it a loudener.

Sledge Hammer: Every breath you take, every move you make... I'll be watching you. That's police talk.

(s0urce: Imdb/Amazon.com)

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