Casual Carnage: A Day At The Vomitorium

Absent, dude

Note to the Casual Reader:
WARNING! The discussion you're about to read is about the use of explicit language in our daily gibberish. It is an insight, based on my daily observations of latent guy-talk that fills the streets and clouds the innocent & unsuspecting feline minds. If you are a connoisseur of delicately chosen, grilled cheese laden, ear candy vocabulary, then you might want to stop right here before visiting the Constabulary Of Carnage. If putrid language spat with renewed acerbity makes you recoil in horror like experiencing electrocution through your stubby belly button via crocodile clips, turn back right now! Be Advised. Remember, cussing right is a gift, foulmouthedness is a virtue. Fuggin' A.

You've been warned Fudgepacker.......................

I'm going to get down right to the brass tacks. The people I know, friends, colleagues and the idiots walking around me in funny costumes, swear, all the fugn' time. Be it related to poo or simply the act of 'qausi-matrimonius coitus uninterruptus' used casually in unnecessary circumstances. Now, you knew that too. So, in my quest to get down to the roots, I chose to observe the conditions and scenarios that trigger one's ability to recite tunes from the purgatory with unflinching perseverance. To that effect, I will quote my observations, describe each scenario and conclude with my disposition on the same. As if, you'd give a flyin' bug. But anyways. Let me start by recording the individuals I know, including my schizophrenic self and explain.

I have to start with the one and only, Al. We all have taken to cussing with childlike enthusiasm thanks to his soulful rendition of the act of manly love showered over another man. In another words, gay and ungay.

Alex & the word "fuck": Big 'Bubba lover' Al has a way with words. He actually has a freeway, you could say. When he starts to curse, there is enough torque dispensed to send a Geo Stationery Satellite Launch Vehicle into space and boot the satellite into its orbit with a splutch. The man actually says 'dick', 'shit', 'whore', 'miserable fuck', 'miserable prick' atleast a few hundred times a day. He doesn't curse, he chants. Possible Triggers include, wisecracks, vagrants, white trash (not in the racial context, please note), kentucky fried chicken and Ed.

G & "Fuckin' coksukka": Truly inspired by Corrado 'Junior' Soprano. Said like biscuits and gravy. I started using the terms liberally after the Second Season on DVD. It makes me crack up everytime I utter them words. I have been hearing a lot more soulful derivatives and I intend to be more subtle and highly selective henceforth. Wasted-piece-uhh-shit is a start.

Karim & "SunOfuhbiyecch": Karim's furiously following Alex, pretty much in his footsteps. The swearing, the sex-talk and the gory details of carnage echo in his monologues too. Most of the time he has to say something for anything and everything that is spoken in the office. It's like having a readily responsive remark for every single word you utter. Incoherence comes with the terrritory. His Algerian/French/American accent causes a slight detour in the aural realm sometimes, but it's effective nonetheless.

Brian & "Fuckin' Sheeyatt": When the boss frowns and violently stomps his foot, everybody pays attention. Usually occurs when the fax machine makes all kinds of sounds that simply translate to "it won't work, don't even think about it!!" Brian grits his teeth, gropes the paper with demonic zest, stomps his foot, pulls a long face and exclaims those very words of wisdom. We all reply in a monosyllable drone "moolah!"

Amilcar & "Son-Of-A-Bitcccchhhh": The self-proclaimed Frank Lloyd Wright incarnate trapped in the body of Le Corbusier is careful most of the time. He never swears; blasphemes mostly, to the tune of God-damn and Damn-it... But when he's busy working that crosshair on his ACAD screen and a crash sets him behind by a couple of minutes, Amilcar leans forward towards the screen, frowns like he's been asked to spell 'antiestablishmentarism' (NOTE:'tis antidisestablishmentarianism; thanks Saty!), swallows slowly and coos these very words with poetic romance.

Anshu & 'Fuck-the-shit-bastard-guy': He heard that very special, once in a life time derivative cuss in a Jerky Boys phone call. He's been using it ever since like a toy. Almost like a Klingon uses a McNugget to describe the size and extent of it's brain.