Stealth: My Left Nut is Aware Of Itself!

Don't y'all know somethin'? Since time immemorial, haven't machines been becoming aware of themselves? My vacuum cleaner chewed up my pants a few days back; Because, I didn't yield to the fact that a certain coffee stain was irreversible! My roommate Arun's perfected a new form of cardio vascular dance / self defense martial art after frequently ironing his shirts & trousers with an old almost-broken electric iron. Toasters have been finishing off unsuspecting loaves of bread ever since the socket was developed to plug a device in! Coffee machines have been spitting bean-venom at hapless office goers in sheer anger. SMPS' have been fryin' CPUs in most computers without the benefit of spike bustahs (no, it's not a new hip hop group). Most of all, hair dryers in salons have had issues with their sobreity. The T-2, T-3 and T-T flicks bear testimony. Skynet did too! Gophers realized that the 'underworld' was their domain. Squirrels decided that the Rum n Raisin was not for 'em. Jessica Simpson knows she's got the ability to butter a toast. And mind you, Dubya knows he's there!

Then, why do we need a cutting (board) egde fighter plane shaped like a amateur-chef-spawned pancake at iHop to tell us that again? Jamie Foxx is a great actor, he shoulda known betta! Jessica 'Awesome Bod' Biel is a fatman-killa. (Her sixpack is aware of itself!) She shoulda known betta! Josh Lucas was squished by the Hulk; he's back? The tag line reads, 'Fear the sky.' It should be more like 'Pear in the sky.' I just don't get it.

Why do machines who become aware of themselves have to target tall buildings in American cities? Why can't it be a herd of unsuspecting camels in Jordan? I'm sure, they'd be caught off guard! It's not like these machines have B.O. And its definitely not like these machines have realized that they're overweight to "become aware." Leave it to us, Hollywood folks! I've been aware for the last 13 years of my weight problem. That didn't stop me from defeating mud pies and cream filled donuts in hand to hand combat. My awareness didnt cause me destroy anything! Au Contraire monsieur, I upped the sit ups and tummy waves.

There's too much awareness. At this rate my sphincter would be aware of itself everytime I squirm at the thought of an office related deadline. That is going to be one scary moment. What if the muscle contracts slowly and then suddenly expands? Shit would happen. So what's the point? Should I fear my toaster?