This is a little hard. A friendship of more than 11 years had gone sour. My friend's returned home. I couldn't help him. I tried. He hurt me. And he kept hurting himself. I backed off, severed ties. I complained, I bitched, I shook with rage. How could he? Eventually, the friendship faded. We did meet, it was politeness and courtesy that fuelled conversations. Yet, there was a void, an emptiness where unwavering friendship had ostensibly failed. Or is it Nature's way to part people for the time being.
Unfortunately, in all of this, he kept hurting himself. My ego, my anger turned me away. I just wanted to keep away, but I never intended to hurt him. I assumed, if there's distance we cannot hurt each other and so I crawled away into the darkness. I always assumed that I was selfless. I guess I stand corrected. It's not about turning away. I failed in that instance. I did tell him many times that he was messing up. He lied. He said he'd try. He wasn't listening. My other friends felt the same way, he had shut himself up. I tried. But wasn't it enough? Unfortunately, not even close. I cried for him last night. He had to go home. But not like this. He gave many of us a dream. The guy I knew five years back who held my hand like an elder brother when I stepped into this city, is gone. If it wasn't for him, there wouldn't have been Los Angeles. We saw it through his eyes. We walked it's streets with his feet. We ate with his hands.
I did reciprocate in his times of trouble. Unfortunately, our troubles never ended. Much worse, his got worse. I reached out. Things were good for a while. Then came the first blow which caused the friendship to weaken. In his agony, he hurt me more. I tried to reach out again. He reciprocated and yet, he suffered. He kept walking the path of self destruction. And then he went down. His body sent out a loud warning sign. We tried to fix things, which were seeming to get better. He'd promised me that he'd change, rectify the errors and get his life back. He tried. I guess his dreams drove him to the brink of madness. He started making mistakes again. This time they were worse. For the both of us. It created a severe rift between me and a common friend who I loved like a brother as well. He should've know better. If he doesn't understand me, he never was a friend. Back to my once-was-a-hero. He went through his all time low. And it kept eating him. Another friend finally made the move and initiated his journey home. I didn't get to say goodbye. He was not made to go back this way. I do think life had more in store for him than these four years of agony, suffering and a mutually assured destructive disposition. I dont know if I did wrong. Arun says I tried. He didnt want to listen. Wasn't he not able to?
Now he's gone. I pray to God and ask of Him to grant my friend, my brother, the ability to see what's right. He's in safe hands now, but what about these four years? Wasn't he supposed go home jubilant with a light in his eyes that told of his vanquished goals? He led us towards the next phase of our lives in the United States. And now I couldn't give him a helping hand when he had to leave. He doesn't understand me. Hey man, just fucking try. If you even take a moment to recall what I've told you time and time again, you'll know what I mean. I feel defeated. I feel sad for him. He had dreams. These four years were not for him. Maybe the Almighty has better things than all of us in store for him. I truly, sincerely with a pure heart hope so. Let him excel and bring out his best; atleast from here on. Better than all of us. He more than deserves it. Please God, this is my prayer.
Kashma kash ko chod de tu, rukh hawa ka mod de tu
khaali paimana hai tera, ho sake toh tod de tu....
Ek nayee mehfil sajaa le, beech ka parda utha le...
Aazma le, Aazma le, aaj khud ko aazma le..
Phirta hai kab se yeh dil sambhaale.
Bol yeh lab pe ruke hain, tere sajde mein jhuke hain...
Pal, pal bikhre hain kitne ujaale.
Aazma le (Taxi No.9211)
