Re-Animated Nursery Rhymes for Violent Times!

Mary Had A Little Lamb.
Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was white as snow.
Everytime that Mary dealt,
The lamb packed an Excalibur crossbow.

Jack Be Nimble.
(this one's not written by me, it's from MAD; I dig it!!)
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be slick.
Jack see mugger,
Jack give kick.

Hickory, Dickory, Dock.
Hickory, dickory, dock,
The rat ran up the block.
The cop stopped him with a sharp sock,
The rat was dealing rock!

Humpty Dumpty Sat On A Wall.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty made the call.
All the junk food and the training,
Couldn't move Humpty's ass with a U-Haul!

Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch an inkjet plotter.
Denied of credit,
Jack broke down,
To the Best Buy clown,
And Jill went ghetto with laughter.

Barber, Barber, Shave A Pig!
Barber, barber, level the pig!
The shy was three points over the vig.
If the cash don't show , that ain't enough!
Give the jamook a pinch of the rough stuff.

Ding, Dong, Bell.
Ding, dong, bell
ID theft is swell!
Who gave you the pin?
Online transact--ing.
Who smacked him in the mouth?
Agent Big Tommy Stout.

Hope you liked 'em... Any suggestions, hate mail or simply comments are most welcome!

All rhymes, torn, shredded & hacked by Gautam R Shenoy. Except where specified! Copyrighted stuff, do not mess with dis!