The Jed-Eyes & the Greasy Bastage

The Legend Reincarnated

We at the office have a few urgent issues to address. Us. To begin, I must say that my colleague Alex, the schwooklipzutherdude cracks me up each time. He just bought a plane some days back and now he's going to spend his weekends flying in and out of Catalina Island in search of better corn cake. I must say that it didn't take a table saw to slice up his new 'piece of the action'. Before I dive into the crux of the matter, taking furious liberty in wasting more of your Rolex Oyster sponsored precious time...; allow me to introduce you to 'the crew' at this outfit. I know Dooce indulged in this sort of unholy musing and earned herself a pink slip, but I'm going to risk this upto some degree. After all, the general feeling in the office is each one of us is a lumphead, carefully handpicked by overlord-in-chief, B. A. N., AIA Arch. He is not to be blamed. Here goes:

Brian: Commander in Chief. Sultan a la Supremo. Capo-Di-Tutti Capi. Overbearing Overlord. Hulking human, intimidating icon. The Boss. The moolah distributor. Shylock's shylock. The SUV in a world of compacts. The The. The Lord of the Architecture-Engineering: The Fellowship of Plan Checking. If I say more, what will happen is elaborately put in the words of Black Adder the Third: "..knighting you rather clumsily with this meat cleaver..."

Alex: Dood. Aerodynamic Milkwagon. Aeroflot-enabled jet propelled tortilla soup lover. See's Candy representative, mascot and No.#1 consumer. Cherry Coke pumps through his veins like Sprite through his veins. Believes he was put on earth for remastering the gentle art of promoting World Peas (not peace, mind you). Has a voracious appetite for good humor about blood, guts, snot, grease, guts & flesh and brain pieces. Thinks Ed's his bitch who'll make him some money. Sole wish is to see Ed in fishnet top and nipple rings. Dont ask me!?!? The Greasy Bastage.

Amilcar: Thinks he's Frank Lloyd Wright trapped inside the body of Le Corbusier. Serenades his women by singing Italian classics, theme songs from the Spanish Inquisition and Papa John's Pizza Commercial jingles. Takes about one hundred and fifty seven minutes to explain a doubt about any drafting program. Walks with a scientifically calculated interpolated swagger and has the clams to back it up, if the need be.

Ed Jr: Bullet time breakfast burrito enthusiast. Free thinker, banana nut loaf cake and Vanilla Mocha believer. Has a 'Vanilla-Mocha Fer Life' tattoo. Spasms out of his momentary screensaver and deep thought moments by violently shrugging his left shoulder. Believes architectural design solutions can be concocted by taking frequent catnaps. Is currently working on franchising Carrows Diner t-shirts in shades of chocolate shake and vanilla.

Karim: The fire-breathing fiscally fit father of a three month old bundle of joy. Doppio Con Panna enthusiast. Likes his burritos like he likes his pen-weights; Thick! Hates the French; speaks fluent French. Lets out a short violent exclamation when he 'Seas' food. Furiously addicted to soccer; is a team player. Believes that the law should size up the digits of bad drivers with a pair of bolt cutters. Flips everyone each morning while driving to work.

Ohh.., Nav: Structural Engineer in the making. Is a violently strict vegetarian, obsessed enough to spell 'could' as 'cud'. Eats only twigs and leaves; Ruminates, sometimes. Wears formal clothing on weekends, laughs for anything. Thinks Alex is the funniest human being since Charles Manson. Glides in & out of office like a whiff of smoke. Has a collection of cookies, chocolates, pop corn and snazzy eatables around his desk, yet is thin enough to swap through a card slider.

Finally...........,

Me: Just another nice guy. Potential madman, pyscho in the making. Furious procrastinator. Terribly homesick homing beacon. Tropio con Panna enthusiast and the only 'made guy' in this outfit who talks to Neutral Gender Gino at Starbucks. Got his button last November, after whacking a harmless squirrel. Prankster Numero Uno. Prone to frequent violent confrontations with self-proclaimed Don Juan De Archo Amilcar.

Next Update: The FBI's line up and Noteware Family (Santa Monica Mob) members and structure poster.